It is truly every parent’s worst nightmare – their child is in a freak accident and loses their life. No matter the age of the child, no parent should have to outlive their little ones. But Choosing to SEE is so much more than recounting the loss of Maria Sue Chunxi Chapman – it is the story of how God uses imperfect people to change the world and redemption even in the face of so much pain.
Last month, I reviewed Steven Curtis Chapman’s autobiography Between Heaven & The Real World. This was not the first book by the Chapman family I have read, and I decided to go back and re-read Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman. This book follows Mary Beth’s life from meeting Steven in college, to starting their family and adopting from China, to losing Maria and beyond. Mary Beth’s writing shines a light on how imperfect parenting (and adulting in general) can be, even when you plan everything out.
I give Choosing to SEE 5 out of 5 stars. I found the use of the author’s old blog posts in later chapters to be daunting to read and almost like a glimpse inside a personal journal of grief recovery. However, I connect with Mary Beth on so many levels: I have suffered from depression much of my life, I had things that didn’t quite go to plan as a teen that caused lifelong anxiety and self-doubt, and I have experienced the loss of someone I have loved so close to me. I am also an adoptee with a unique “gotcha story”, so hearing how each of their 3 girls from China joined their families touched my heart immensely! Mary Beth’s writing about these difficult topics delivers an honest look while still giving hope for anyone walking through those times themselves.
I would recommend this book to all readers at all ages. Mary Beth skirts around the mentions of sex in a way that implies the acts, but without stating them directly or becoming graphic. I think this book would also be valuable for anyone struggling with or supporting someone with depression because it shows real reactions to everyday triggers like pregnancy and loss. This book should also be required reading for ministry members looking to better support their parishioners experiencing depression or child loss.
I chose Choosing to SEE as my autobiography for March. I have heard Mary Beth talk in person a few times and read her book several years ago when we were going through pregnancy loss. Reading it again now was emotional for me – I feel like I have come so far, but can still feel that pain in my soul like it happened yesterday. It is not something you quickly move past and I can’t imagine the pain of watching all of your children experience this hurt. The Chapman family has helped so many by sharing not only Maria’s story, but their love of adoption through their foundation Show Hope to help other parents bring home their children, too.
If you are experiencing extreme grief or sadness that you can’t move past, the NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), text “HelpLine” to 62640 or email us at helpline@nami.org, or dial 911 after hours.
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What I’m Reading
- Current print book: The Help, Kathryn Stockett
- Current audio book: Demon Copperhead, Barbara Kingsolver
- Book I’m most looking forward to: Born a Crime, Trevor Noah
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