I think I have always known I was adopted. I can’t remember ever being told I was adopted; I have just always been aware. It’s not like I look different than my parents and, if you didn’t know, you’d probably never guess!
A few years back, I got one of those AncestryDNA tests for Christmas. I was interested in confirming facts about where my birth family came from and, potentially, finding the brother that would have been around 2 years old when I was born. What I got was much more than that: a grandfather and all my siblings. I feel so lucky to have found them – while we all look similar, it’s really nice to have people I share interests with! It’s nice to have these new connections and have been learning more about them every time we talk.
Yesterday, my daughter and I gained a new connection as well – she’s now adopted, too! Back in the Fall, she asked her stepdad to officially adopt her. He’s been part of her life for over 10 years now, so this was more about making something official on paper than changing anything. We spent about 15 minutes with the judge yesterday morning, who signed off on the adoption and chatting about a very interesting coincidence – his dad is the judge who finalized my adoption nearly 4 decades ago!
In honor of yesterday’s hearing, I’d like to share some books about adoption to help with both the decision to adopt a child and discussing adoption with younger family members:
For the parents considering adoption:
The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis, David Cross, Wendy Sunshine – One of the biggest struggles for parents of adopted children can be their child’s attachment disorder or acting out. The source of this can come from a child’s percieved or actual abandonment by their birthfamily, failure to “fit in” with their adopted family. This book suggests it can help the parent build bonds with their child, handle any disabilities, and learn to effectively discipline a child in this situation.
The Eye of Adoption by Jody Dyer – this memoir brings the journey of adoption to life from the moment a parent chooses to adopt, to the final court hearing. Dyer discusses her struggles to conceive and the difficulty of the adoption process, too. This book is promised to be a good read for all those involved in adoption – the birth family, the adoptive family, social workers, and lawyers.
For the children
I Wished For You by Marianne Richmond – Published in 2008, this book has been a staple of my gifts for friends who adopt. This book can help the family process all the questions adopted children might have in an easy, relational way. Rooted in faith, the writer frames the adoption as God choosing them to be a family.
We Chose You by Tony Dungy, Lauren Dungy, and Guy Wolek – One of the hardest things for me in middle school was to complete a family tree project. As a teen, I knew nothing about my birth family. So many of my classmates were sharing who they looked like and where they got their art or music skills from. I couldn’t do any of that. In this book, the main character is in the same situation. When he asks his family for help, they share with him how long they had been praying for him well before they ever met him.
Happy Adoption Day by John McCutcheon and Julie Paschkis – You may know this story from McCutcheon’s folk song. This adorable full color picture book adapts the song’s lyrics into a beautiful and touching children’s book.
You’re My Dream Come True by Jean Fischer and Frank Endersby – this board book is great for families formed by both adoption and pregnancy. It will show how God chose each child for those parents, no matter how they came to be together.
If you’re interested in learning more about adoption either as a birth parent or adoptive family, I encourage you to visit The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption for more information and resources.
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